Bumbershoot, Day II

Day II, Morning

It was Sunday, and it was a bigger day. Many of the crew were going to be attending some or all of the day, including TM2000, Flowers, Thor, Viewmaster, Heels and Force of Nature.All-Star was potentially in the mix, and I bumped into Winner there, too.

(Quick tangent #1: Buddy #1 is now Force of Nature. It's a good thing, dude. Just relax.)

(Quick tangent #2: I am acquiring quite a galaxy of codenamed superstars. I will have to start an official "Guide to Ed O's Blog" that has information about everyone who's been honored with a codename. Or maybe I can pawn that task off on my fanclub. Once I get a fanclub, I mean.)

FoN and I had breakfast at Peso's and went to get in line for Patton Oswalt tickets. Heels caught up with us and we waited in line to get the tickets (which would guarantee entry to the 8:00 show) and we chit-chatted as we trudged forward in the long line.

As we waited and talked, I related a joke from the David Cross show a night before. Now, David Cross is not exactly Doug Stanhope, but he does some weird humor that is funny partly because it's shocking. FoN asked how the show was, and I shared my opinion.

David Cross tends to tell stories. Funny and strange and sometimes offensive stories, but stories. In 30 minutes he was barely warmed up, so I didn't feel I got the full experience, but he DID tell a couple of short jokes... and I told one while waiting in line.

Bad move.

After I delivered the punchline (which was ambiguously racist... but close enough for government work) FoN howled in laughter. Heels, as is her wont, remained silent. As did the rest of the line.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that a hush fell over the crowd around us, but there were a few frowns and concerned, furrowed brows where laughter and amicability had existed just a moment before. Oops.

Day II, Afternoon

Heels and I went to the main stage later that day to watch a pair of bands.

Cold War Kids were the first. I don't know much about them, but it seems like a group I shouldknow, and I enjoyed the show. It was fine. It was in the same arena that I had seen the All-American Rejects the day before, but Heels and I got much closer to the stage. The people density wasn't too bad.

Things changed, though, when the Cold War Kids ended. The Yeah Yeah Yeahs were up next, and other than knowing they had a song on Rock Band, I didn't know much about them.

And by "much" I mean "anything".

The concert was eventful. Not the music, but the crowd and my thoughts. Specifically:

• The people density was much higher. I don't mean intellectually (although maybe that, too). Just more people. People bumping me. People hitting me with their backpacks (people know where their elbows, feet, and shoulders are... they should have similar spatial awareness if they are going to tote around a forteen inch-deep backpack).
• At one point, a rather large woman was to my left. I don't like to accidentally touch people, but I don't like to be pushed around, either. I try to stand my ground so I don't get bullied. This woman, though? She literally was moving me seemingly without trying. She was bouncing up and down, and I was worried that I still am sans health insurance for a couple of weeks as she landed mere inches from my left foot repeatedly.
• At some point in the show, I thought something. I thought it and then I thought about it the rest of the show... not about IT, but about whether it's wrong that I thought it. What did I think? "Man... three of the four members of this group look Jewish." Who cares? Why on EARTH would I think that? I mean, I know that the Ramones are a prominent all-Jewish group, but that I know that doesn't justify my thought. I, of course, was racked with guilt about whether I was being anti-semitic... and also if I was correct. As it turns out, at least two of the four members are Jews, and I would bet the fourth (new member) is, too. Why do I care? I really, REALLY do not. It's fine. It's good. I'm still confused why I wrote about it. Maybe it's the David Cross Jew jokes corrupting my worldview.
• The Yeah Yeah Yeahs evidently have a thing where they have a giant inflatable eyeball and unleash it on the crowd, and people push it and punch it and have a magnificent time with the ocular orb. There were also Samsung-branded giant balloons earlier in the afternoon, so there was shit bouncing all over. So that's data point #1. Data point #2 was that this was evidently the first year that umbrellas were allowed into the arena. Combine these two points and you get an open umbrella being handed/tossed around. It was inverted (i.e., deadly sharp) and somehow I came to be holding it after it had literally been thrown about 18 feet (OK... six feet) and came within four inches of poking someone's eye out (OK... six feet). I was holding the umbrella up, and not sure what to do with it. No one wanted to take it from me, and I felt uncomfortable just throwing it. So I closed it up and placed it on the ground. Not on my watch, bitches.

Day II, Evening

After a break for some food and adult beverages, we came back to Bumbershoot. TM2000, FoN and I were waiting in line for Patton Oswalt (we had failed to procure tickets guaranteeing entry that morning, but there was a standby line to wait in) and we had about an hour to kill.

We were towards the front of the standby line and feeling confident we were gonna get in... partly because of our wonderful position in line and partly because of the alcohol we'd consumed.

The three of us were joined by Heels, and as we waited, I decided to tell an anecdote.

I like anecdotes. I like telling them. I like telling them, in particular, after I've had something to drink.

So I start to tell this story. I get about eight words in when I notice... it's quiet. Not, like, one of those weird lulls in all conversation. But ... really quiet.

I had a decision to make. I had to decide whether to proceed or not. I knew my anecdote was (a) personal, (b) sort of embarrassing (to tell and to hear), and (c) absolutely, 100% true.

I could have stopped. I could have started whispering.

Screw that. Full steam ahead.

I won't tell the whole story here, but I will tell you that it included the term "false positive" and ended with me improvising a classic "Fuck condoms... I'm clean!" capper to the story. (Note: I guess that part's not true... so the "absolutely, 100% true" part was a lie. Unless I'm lying now. Everything I tell you is a lie. Does not compute...)

It was funny. I think.

Once again, though (see: the David Cross joke story at the beginning of this blog entry)... people couldn't make eye contact with me. It was awesome.

The evening ended with watching Helio Sequence with Flowers, FoN, Heels and Viewmaster. It was good stuff.

The sun is shining and Day III is happening as I type this. I think I should wander back over.