Again, logically, it seems that would apply everywhere--TV shows, breakfast cereals, porn... all the staples. There's been an assertion, though, that too many options have a negative effect. The Paradox of Choice asserted that position well. We fret when there are too many possibilities. We have buyers remorse. We don't make a decision and just get on with our lives.
Last night I was, predictably, at a club. I, predictably, had to use the restroom. And I, not so predictably, almost ended up reaching into a urine-filled toilet.
The pants I was wearing were button fly, rather than with a zipper, and I was wearing a belt. I made what seemed to be a reasonable decision to leave my belt fastened and my top button done and then unbuttoned elsewhere.
Things went just fine (I've had a fair bit of practice peeing in my day) until... they didn't. I felt a "pop" under my belt immediately after I completed my act and looked down and my top button was gone.
The pants I was wearing were a bit old, and, being a bit old myself, I know that old things have a tendency to fall apart. I sighed heavily (the struggle is real) and buttoned up my fly and was determined to find the button so I could reattach it at some point in the future.
The first place I looked just happened to be the place where it was... in the toilet.At this point I had a bit of a quandary. The button on a pair of pants that I was wearing was sitting in a toilet half-full with fluid that had been in my body until about 15 seconds prior. For some reason I was without rubber gloves, and I was loathe to reach into my own piss ... but I really wanted that button!
So, once again, I sighed heavily and made the decision to be forever unclean in order to get a seventeen cent button. I was NOT going to be paralyzed by fear or the smell of my own pee. I was going to overcome the paradox of choice.
I bent over, reaching down with my left hand, when the toilet flushed.
Somehow I had triggered the sensor and the fresh water whisked the button away forever. Some sewer crocodile has probably choked on it by now.
Do I miss the button, fuck yeah, I miss the button. But it's very nice to be able to tell this story without ever having actually covered my hand in urine.
