Do you know how it feels when you tell a little lie, and if you just came clean immediately it wouldn't be a big deal? Like, it's not an important topic and the listener may be a bit confused by the dishonesty, but wouldn't really care?
Do you know how, if you don't come clean, it grows into something more substantial? Because, on the one hand, the listener might be aggravated that you didn't tell them before, and on the other hand the listener might be confused why you're telling them at that point. It is an insignificant lie, after all. Maybe you should just let it go.
But if you let it go it gets harder to bring it up. Harder to tell the truth.
I, personally, don't know the feeling of telling lies (I am far too perfect as a person to tell falsehoods) but I have a similar feeling with this blog.
I used to write all the time. Some of it was pretty good, I think, and some of it was crap. But I enjoyed writing and I enjoyed getting feedback from friends and strangers about my adventures and musings and poor grammar fueled by haste and/or rum.
It's been over six months now since I've done a new post. I have started at least two entries since then (not including this one) but I didn't complete them and didn't push "Publish Post" because I felt it had been too long. I felt pressure to write something great.
The reality is that, just as the little lie grows into something bigger in your head, the absence of writing blog entries grew into something bigger in mine.
So. Enough.
With this blog entry, I am relieving myself--even if just temporarily--of self-imposed non-blog-writing stress. I don't know when my next entry will be, but if and when it happens it will be rooted in fun and not in fear of not writing.
