Movies

I don't watch a ton of movies. I rarely go to the theater because of the cost and because I'm caught in the trap of expectations (if I'm excited enough to want to see a movie, I'm invariably disappointed) and cost. While I enjoy watching movies at home (especially 5-11 minute clips of a particular adult-themed type), I simply don't own that many.

BitTorrent has never really worked for me, so I don't download movies. I don't have a Blockbuster or NetFlix account, and never feel compelled to sign up for one.

The movies that I like, I own. And pretty much the only movies I watch are ones I own. It's not the best way to expand my movie-watching horizons, but I have a nice little collection of movies that I don't really get sick of watching.

With all of that as preamble, I am gonna list the top 10 movies that I own. If anyone reading this blog ever wants to spend an evening experiencing any of these movies, let me know. I will consider watching with you... pants are optional for the more attractive female potential visitors, of course.

10. Strange Brew

Strange Brew has a lot of nostalgic value for me, and I still think of it whenever I meet Canadians... which helps explain why I add "eh" to everything Canadians tell me and why I start giggling uncontrollably when I hear anything resembling a Canadian accent.

I also saw this movie before I read Hamlet, and there are innumerable (well... I guess there is a number to them) references to that play... so when I saw that the castle was named "Elsinore" I enjoyed Hamlet much more than the other kids in my class, I think.

9. Mallrats

Kevin Smith writes some funny movies. Clerks is in my collection (along with Clerks II and a couple of other Smith flicks), but Mallrats is my favorite. It's cheesy and it's silly and Jeremy London turns in probably the worst acting job of any movie I own, let alone on this list, but it's got a great energy and I really enjoy it.

Comic book references abound... Stan Lee makes an appearance (as himself), and there are a few "My Name is Earl" connections. Plus there is perhaps the best Sega Genesis-based breakup in the history of the universe.

8. Hot Rod

Hot Rod, from the makers of Jizz in My Pants and On a Boat, the Lonely Island guys put together a movie that's actually pretty good. The physical humor is really strong and the supporting cast is delightful.

The end is sappy and the Chris Parnell bits in the final scene are annoying, but this movie has too many good scenes for anyone with a sense of humor not to see.

7. Reservoir Dogs

Yes, Tarantino is probably overhyped. Yes, his scenes often are too much for many people. But when it works for you, it REALLY works. At least when it works for me, it REALLY works. Reservoir Dogs is amazing. Violent. Simple. Fun dialog with pop culture references that aren't quite as obscure as much of what he's written.

Tarantino is the only guy who gets two movies on my list. But he's also the only guy who shows an ear get cut off and discusses the fairness of tipping waitresses in depth. He deserves it.

6. Evil Dead II

Oh, man. How is this only number six on my list? Evil Dead II breaks rules and is ridiculous with cliches, but Bruce Campbell on-camera and Sam Raimi behind the camera made this movie just a ton of fun. Like several movies on this list, it might not be the easiest to watch, and it won't appeal to everyone.

There's a sequel to this gem, called Army of Darkness, and it's a whole other genre and a whole second helping of awesomeness. 

5.  Bottle Rocket

Wes Anderson knows what he's doing. He weaves memorable characters in whimsical situations. He writes and directs well enough to keep plots going, and he has had well-casted movies. Bottle Rocket was the first movie he wrote and directed (he would later produce, write and direct Rushmore, The Royal Tenanbaums, and a few other movies) and it's my favorite one.

Bottle Rocket is perhaps a bit less funny than Rushmore, which I own, as well, but I think that it moves more quickly and I like the music it uses, so it earned a spot on my list.

4. Bananas

Woody Allen knows what he's doing, too. Maybe people with the initials "W.A." have some sort of advantage in winning me over. Allen's well-known for a variety of reasons, and his commentary-in-comedy on relationships and religion and other issues is often astounding. Bananas is an old movie, at this point (released in 1971) and it was one of his earlier efforts. Some of the references are antiquated, but they don't seem stale.

Howard Cosell? A young Sylvester Stallone in a non-speaking role? Awesomeness everywhere. And the best breakup scene, ever... even if it doesn't feature a Sega Genesis.

3. Glengarry Glen Ross

This was originally a play, and it's obvious. There are few locations in Glengarry Glen Ross and there are no explosions or special effects. Oddly enough, there are no significant female roles... it's all dudes. Excellent actors who spew salesman jargon and f-bombs. It's a movie packed full of testosterone.

Alec Baldwin shows up for a scene and is very impressive, but the rest of the cast is so good that even if his scene is memorable it doesn't steal anyone's thunder.

2. Death Proof

Tarantino got me. I actually saw this one in the theaters, when it was half of the Grind House double feature. Even as I was watching the movie(s), I knew it was going to bomb. Too long and too violent and too ... weird. Tarantino is terribly self-indulgent in this movie, it seems to me, making a ton of references to cars I don't know anything about and pop culture that I just kind of have to take his word for in terms of its existence.

The movie drags in spots, and some of the portions that I find incredible would not be considered watchable by most people, I think.

Why is it at my number two, then? Because of what it made me feel when I watched it the first time. It got me hooked, emotionally, and it kept me on the edge of my seat for the whole excruciating and exciting 20 minutes of the final car chase scene. (OK. Maybe not 20 minutes. But it's a while, and it's the best car chase scene I've ever seen.)

Stuntman Mike is a fun, mysterious, bad bad guy. And this is a good good movie.

1. This is Spinal Tap

With the possible exception of about 10 minutes towards the end of the film, I could take any five minute chunk of the movie and be guaranteed to laugh at at least a dozen jokes. Spinal Tap is hilarious and it's mostly improvised, which means that the actors talk on top of each other and it's impossible to hear all of the humor in a single viewing.

It's got memorable original music. It's got awesome facial hair. It's got it all.