Beating Around the Bush

I studied Japanese way back in the day. I actually took two years of beginning Japanese, but very little of it stuck. I can "read" some hiragana by sounding it out... I can even write some. I have no idea what it means, though.

One thing that I walked away with remembering is that some words needed to be "softened". Sushi, for example, is "sushi" in Japanese (big shock) but when the word is used in conversation it is preceded with an "o", so it becomes "osushi". I'm not quite sure why that is... but it is.

There is a way to dance around certain words ("he's a little shit", for example) as well as entire topics in English. One example of this is trying to determine if a chick has a boyfriend.

While it is certainly possible to directly ask, "Do you have a boyfriend?" there is something that tends to be offputting about that question. Maybe it's the fact that much of the time a guy is talking to a girl hoping she's single and if/when it's revealed she's not, he will leave her alone. Maybe it's because women (whether single or not) often like the affirmation of being talked to by a guy (that they choose to talk to; note that unless a guy starts off with "Do you have a boyfriend?" straightaway, she's generally had a chance to disengage). Maybe it's because guys don't like being rejected directly, even if it's through no fault of their own.

So questions/statements like these have emerged:

• "A chick with a boyfriend shouldn't be able to smile like that in public. It's not fair for single dudes."
• "What does your boyfriend think about that?"
• "How's your date going?"
• "You're kinda short. How tall is your boyfriend?"
• "Is that your brother?"

Clearly some of them are pretty close to the actual question. None of these are really intended to fool a girl into thinking that, in essence, a guy is not asking, "Do you have a boyfriend?" But I doubt the Japanese are trying to fool anyone into thinking it's not sushi merely by putting an "o" in front of it, either.

It's just a mutually beneficial level of subtlety that helps both sides.

Or does it? I'm rarely on the "receiving" side of subtlety (or, if I am, it's lost on me (maybe that's the more likely explanation, actually...)).

Last night I was at Ozzie's. It was close to closing and I was sitting at a table with a guy I'd seen there several times before. He just semi-butchered his song (mostly due to his alcohol consumption) but I was supportive because, after all, he is my karaoke semi-buddy. I know his name, so I owe him a modicum of emotional support. I think that's how it works.

Anyway, I started telling him about something or other, and the conversation turned to Hula Hula. The conversation went from inane to insane rather quickly. The glorious "s".

Me: It's weird... they don't even have security there! I mean, while I hope
it never happens, it's just a matter of time until there's a fight there.
Him: [deadpan] Are you saying you want to fight me?
Me: Haha. No. At least not tonight!
Him: Yeah... I'll just give you my card or something.
Me: Hehe. Uh. Yeah. Uh...
Him: And we'll have breakfast.
Me: Heh. Um. What?
Him: ...
Me: So... I gotta go... over there.

Very strange and uncomfortable. Maybe beating around the bush isn't always a good way to go from the recipient's perspective.