Ambiguity

I am not a religious person. I am not a spiritual-but-not-religious person. I'm not eager to die, but (as long as it's not too painful) I am resigned to the extremely high likelihood that I will experience it at some point or another.

At a really high level, then, I think I deal with ambiguity pretty well. Sort of by ignoring it.

In my job, I take things that different people (clients, coworkers, users, et al) express and I mash it up and I form specifications or personas or other documentation that, hopefully, encapsulates and clarifies.

At a micro level, then, I think I deal with ambiguity pretty well. By trying to get rid of it.

In addition to existence- and minutiae-based life, there's a lot of middle ground... some of which (health, relationships) are pretty important and some of which (politics, ice cream) are less so.

It's this cast middle ground where ambiguity is much more difficult for me. (I don't think I'm alone, and I don't think I'm particularly special or remarkable for this weakness, but it's my blog so I'm gonna write about me, dammit!) Economic policies seem to be easier to address than a question like "Why does anything exist?", even if they're more difficult than putting together a set of wireframes for a website. Friendships--even in all their complexities that make setting up a meeting agenda look like child's play--must be more understandable than free will, right?

When I was growing up, my parents had a poster or a picture of something with the Serenity Prayer on the wall. To remind everyone, it goes something like this:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."

Perhaps because I really took the gist of the saying to heart, I ignored that it was a prayer and that the capital G word was used.

I don't recite that prayer to myself on a regular basis, but I take solace in knowing that other individuals have the same challenges I do... I guess misery loves company, right?

Applying it to the big stuff? Easy. I cannot know which definition of agnostic is correct (whether we cannot know God, or whether we do not know of God's existence). I cannot understand why string theory exists, even if I ever end up wrapping my head around what it is.

Applying it to the little stuff? Sure thing. Even when complex, the little stuff just takes clear thinking and creativity and (if it can't be avoided) hard work. I don't want to have to buy a new car, but I can make a decision I can live with if I put my head to it.

The middle ground, though... that's the rub. When must I accept I cannot change something? When should I accept that? When does the serenity I feel by letting go merely provide a nice cover for an absence of courage?

Are these questions big stuff? Or are they little stuff that I'm not willing to (*gasp*) work on?

What is my personal record for number of questions asked to end a blog?