I Don't Buy Chicks Drinks

As part of my trip to Oregon (more on that in another post), I went out with Big Cow, Deek, and LeJohnse. We didn't go out in my home town (I'm not sure there's anywhere to "go out"), and we didn't make it into the big city of Portland, but we did go out in Wilsonville.

After having a quick drink at LeJohnse's place, the four of us (accompanied by a young man I shall call Gamgee) headed to a wonderous place called Wanker's Corner.

The name (at least the second part of it) is a vestige of its original location, I'm told.  Given that it's in the middle of a strip mall-like situation, it's not currently on the corner of anything.

Wanker's Corner actually reminded me of Yella Beak... a Yella Beak that someone had shrunk down to a quarter size and stunk in the middle of Wilsonville, rather than the middle of a cow pasture.

Gamgee and Deek weren't drinking alcohol, but that didn't stop BC, LJ and me from imbibing. Towards the end of the night, only BC and I were left from our group, and we had already closed out and were preparing to leave when I heard someone say something about buying drinks.

My general approach to buying drinks is one of quid pro quo: I will buy you one if you buy me one. The general rule is only lightly applied to friends, since I know that they'll get back to me. The general rule is applied very strictly, however, when it comes to women (that I do not know) at bars.

I understand that many women get free drinks from guys. I understand, too, that many guys expect to purchase drinks for women.

I understand, however, that the practice is entirely bullshit and that if a chick is not going to talk to me without me buying her a drink then she can go find some other sucker.

So when I heard a woman talking about someone buying her a drink, I let it be known that I do not engage in that practice. Sober Ed O might never chime in like that, but I was far from sober.

She replied that she would buy me a drink, and that caught me (or at least Drunk Ed O) off guard. I said that we could buy a round each, and she agreed.

So with BC on my left, Kay-One and Kay-One's Friend sat to my right at the bar. I got out my credit card, and Kay-One did the same. In front of the bartender, I reiterated the agreement we'd made. A round of drinks was served. My credit card was charged.

And Kay-One had disappeared.

I looked to K-OF in confusion. Asked her wtf was going on. K-OF told me that there was no deal. I said that it was bullcrap and I looked to the bartender and told her that I would not sign the charge. I was not going, I said, to pay for drinks for those two women.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that BC couldn't take the discomfort... but K-OF was still jibber-jabbering. I think the last thing I heard from her was, "When you come into a bar, you should know..."

Blah blah blah.

I turned my back to her as she kept talking and told the bartender that I was entirely willing to pay for our two drinks, and that I would tip her well for them, but that I would not sign anything for all four drinks and that I would challenge the charges. That the bartender had SEEN us make a deal and that it was not fair.

The bartender relented. Told K-OF that she had to pay for the other two drinks. I tipped well on the much smaller tab and felt a sense of triumph.

Of course, success is rarely unadulterated in this world, so it should not be a shock that I looked down at the counter and saw a note from Kay-One that read something like:

Kay-One
503-xxx-xxxx
I owe you $20 :)

Uh... was I too quick to judge? Was she flattering me? Or was the note to grease to skids for the scam that she'd known she was gonna pull from the beginning?

Not my problem. I don't buy chicks drinks.