We sang karaoke, we got sunburned, we hiked, and we drank.
TM2000 and I also attempted to meet women. Unless we're in Mexico, that's been known to actually work occasionally.
The last night we were in Waikiki, the four of us met for drinks and TM2000 and I peeled off from the other two, who were probably going to go bump coconuts. And thus begins the adventure.
The Pickup
We weren't sure where to go, and after hitting up a bar we'd frequented, uh, frequently during our stay we decided to go to Senor Frog's. Our expectations were tremendously low... as part of our "No Women Tour of Mexico" some months earlier, we had gone to Senor Frog's in Puerto Vallarta, and while there were some attractive young women there, for some reason the young women are significantly less appealing when their parents are hovering a couple of tables away.
(Translation: the girls were all too young. Even for me. Which is saying something.)
So TM2000 and I took the elevator up to the bar. We ordered a drink. We worked the dance floor a bit (him in a skillful and appealing-to-women sort of way, me in a "oh my God, he's horrible!/someone call the paramedics, because he's going to break something if he keeps moving that spastically and unappealingly" kind of way). TM2000 started talking to a girl, and this is where (finally) things got interesting.
(Actually, things had been interesting the previous night in an adventure I had with a batch of Australian chicks... that will have to wait until another time, though.)
The woman was Japanese and she was there with another Japanese chick. They were being ruthlessly hit upon by dudes, and they were gladly accepting the free drinks that were being thrust upon them.From my perspective? I almost NEVER buy random chicks drinks. On a date? Sure. A friend I've known for a while? Absolutely. Some girl I just met and might be interested in talking to? No way. I've done that about five times in the 2.5 years, and I have not got a kiss nor a number nor anything but thinly veiled contempt from any of the recipients. I love women sometimes.
If and when I buy a drink, though, for a girl? I think that it'd be a bad sign if she started sharing it with another random guy.
TM2000 was that random guy in this case.
The first Japanese girl, Ichi, had been the recipient of a free drink. A big, colorful, vase-like drink that was probably filled with sugars and liqueurs and odd tropical colors. Evidently it was too much, or she was trying to ditch her patron, or she was just super-interested in TM2000. For whatever reason, she offered him a sip.
I don't even remember if he took her up on it, but I know that it gave us an ability to talk to Ichi and her friend, Ni. The dudeswarm eventually receded and we convinced them to hit up another bar with us. A bar that happened to be on the way back to our hotel room.
The Extraction
Sometimes guys notice when girls are into other guys. Sometimes they do not. This was one of those "do not" situations.
Of all the guys standing around Ichi and Ni, one persevered. The bar closed and the four of us left together, and Clinger was right behind us.
Over the course of the next 15 minutes or so, Clinger followed us. He stayed within about 30 feet of us. He waited at the bottom of an escalator for us. He ignored dirty looks and he ignored when I attempted to get rid of him with a, "Look, buddy, it looks like they're hanging out with us tonight."
Finally, Ichi talked to the guy. She was pretty traditionally Japanese and she was clearly uncomfortable with the "confrontation", but she took his phone number and he finally (FINALLY) went away.
Second Location
After the uncomfortable Clinger portion of the early morning, we made our way to the other bar. It was about 3:00 AM at this point, if I remember correctly, and it was a bar that TM2000 and I had been to several times before.
We had paired off, with Ni sitting next to me and Ichi and TM2000 together in a big booth. I felt justified in buying Ni a drink, and TM2000 did the same for Ichi. TM2000, though, does things his own way, and his own way is sometimes the cheap way.
Ichi wanted a Redbull and vodka. Presumbaly, given the late hour, she needed energy and it didn't seem to be an unreasonable request. TM2000, however, had memories of our trip to Mexico and me getting stuck with a $16 Red Bull and vodka charge... he also knew there were house specials for the night, so he went ahead and got Ichi a mini pitcher of Bud Light. $3. Done and done.
Ichi wasn't going to say "no," I suppose, so the two of them nursed the value that was the Bud Light mini pitcher as Ni and I enjoyed whatever cocktails I had got for us.
We then decided to go back to our hotel room for after-hours. And for adventure. Although I'm not sure promising "adventure" in a hotel room would be the best move with most women...
The Hotel Room
On the walk back, TM2000 admitted that he was feeling a bit sick to his stomach. He seemed pretty sure that he was going to vomit, but we knew there was going to be a problem. Actually, two problems.
Problem #1: Our hotel room was not that big. It had a queen bed and a cot-like mobile bed, and it had a TV, and it had an attached bathroom. It worked perfectly for us and what we needed, but it didn't provide many soundproof vomiting options.
Problem #2: Women are not really very turned on by the sound of a man vomiting. At least not many women.
So TM2000 had to vomit. We had two women in our hotel room who, presumably, didn't want to her him upchuck on the other side of a very thin door. It was about 4:00, so even if we had an audio source (TV or radio) that could drown out the sound, it could have resulted in issues with our neighbors.
Fortunately, we are creative. And, fortunately, we had a balcony.
TM2000 stepped out onto the balcony to spray the lower floors with partially digested food and beer foam, and I attempted to distract Ichi and Ni. I did so, in part, by asking them what they did for a living.
Ichi was, as it turns out, a massage therapist. After several "happy ending" jokes, which were both racially insensitive and probably lost upon Ichi altogether, I told her that was cool and that she should give TM2000 a massage when he got back in. She agreed and I told Ni that I would give HER a massage, too.
He came back in, had something to drink and/or popped some gum in his mouth. Operation: Vomit was successful, and Operation: Freak TM2000 Out was just beginning.
TM2000 was on the right side of the bed, facing the television (which was tuned to TNT or something equally semi-boring) and Ni did the same a few feet to his left. Ichi straddled TM2000's butt and I did the same on Ni.
I enjoy giving backrubs. I hesitate to use the word "massage" because it seems like that a massage might have some medicinal value and/or require some level of professional skill.
Even though I might not be able to give a proper therapeutic massage, I can perform "monkey see, monkey do".
Ichi bent TM2000's arm one way, and I mimicked her with Ni's arm. She pushed on his neck and I pushed on Ni's. Sounds OK, right? Well, again, there were two problems with this:
Problem #1: I was not sober and I had no idea what I was doing. I had no idea the amount of pressure to apply. I could not tell how far I should be stretching Ni's limbs. She was little and I probably could have really hurt her.
Problem #2: TM2000 was screaming his head off. Remember, he had been outside when it had been established that Ichi did that for a living. Remember, too, that massages can be kind of painful, even when you expect the person to know what they're doing. In his pain and ignorance, gems such as, "You're breaking my arm!" and "What are you doing to me? Aaah!" were exclaimed, although in real life they were more in bold, all caps.
After the massage session, where miraculously no one was injured and no police were called due to the yelling, Ni decided to go home. I walked her down to the taxi and she went home.
I came back up and Ichi and TM2000 were already asleep. I crashed in the little mobile bed and slept soundly.
The Next Morning
I woke up relatively early in spite of the late night, and I cracked my eyes open to ensure it was safe to be looking around. I was confronted with an odd sight.
It was Ichi, on the bed, resting on her knees. She was looking at a sleeping TM2000, and when he finally stirred himself she waited for a moment and, in an oddly pleading tone, said, "Can I go home now?"
It was one of those odd moments in life where I just don't know what I'm seeing. Was she asking for his permission? Was she asking for a ride home? I honestly don't know.
TM2000 dismissed Ichi and we packed for the trip home and it was good.
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