I was doing some work in Belltown today, and I took the bus back to LQA before going to the gym. It was markedly warmer today, but still sub-40, which is cold for us Seattle folk. I was waiting at the bus stop at about 1:30 PM in the wind and slush, waiting for the bus to arrive.
There were about seven or eight other people waiting, as well. Most are irrelevant (in life, and more specifically to this blog) but there was a couple with a baby stroller who were central to the reason d'etre of this entry.
To wrap up the introduction and to give you an idea of what I'm going to do, this couple gets involved in a dispute on the bus. I interject my opinion into the matter, and I will keep track, based on what this couple did, whether I chose the correct side to back up. It will be revealed at the end which side I chose as well as what I said. Points will be awarded for or against the couple.
As I said, we were all standing there, waiting. It was cold (but not freezing) and sort of drizzling and really slushy. The couple made their first mistake when they started getting frisy with one another... they were, like, pretending like they were going to kiss and then licked at each other's faces, instead.
I'm all for PDA. But not in public. One point against the couple. (-1)
The bus eventually pulled up, and I decided to enter in the read (heh) door (hehe) while the couple waited for the front. After people filed off, some old dude shot ahead of me in line and then took, like, 15 seconds to ascend two steps. One point against the universe, or at least the old man. But that doesn't much matter here.
Eventually I entered and there was a person who was using a walker or something who was leaving through the front door. I took a seat in the rather crowded bus. I was about two rows back, facing the front, in the aise. The first third of the bus or so are bench-like seats that face towards the inside of the bus.
The exit of the special needs person took a while. The bus driver had to use a lift to lower the bus and the exit platform so the person could leave. While this is happening, I'm struggling with whether I should skip the gym and go straight home or not. I also am feeling a bit impatient.
Back to the couple. Everyone else had entered the bus, and the only people outside were the man and woman and baby stroller. People had moved back on the bus to make space for them in the front third, and I was wondering why it was taking so long so I set aside my introspection on indolence and paid attention.
The bus driver was not letting them on the bus immediately. The stroller needed to be folded up, he was saying. The couple lost a point because they were wasting my time. (-2) Eventually, and inexplicably, the bus driver let them on without removing the child and folding up the stroller, although the woman entered independently of her husband, near the back of the bus, and sat alone.
The guy was rearranging the stroller when the bus driver explained that he should fold it up because it would block the walkway. I am a stickler for rules, in general, so the couple lost another point (-3). He immediately won a point back, though, with his dismissal of the requirement by stating simply, "It's OK." (-2)
It reminded me of the "Don't worry about it" reply whenever someone voices a concern. So funny and so asshole-ish. Props to the guy.
He had the stroller pretty closely nestled to his seat. It wasn't sticking much past where one's knees would be if one were a large man, and it seemed that the "excitement" (quotes indicate no actual excitement was involved) was over.
Of course, though, there are busybodies. A woman who was standing as if to exit at the next stop turned and looked down at the man and the child in the stroller and said, "The stroller is blocking the aisle, sir. That is why the bus driver told you to fold it up, sir."
I wish there was a font for "snooty". She wasn't being polite. She wasn't being helpful. She was being a know-it-all and acting superior. Another point in favor of the couple when he didn't reply. (-1)
The woman exited and, again, I thought it was going to be over. But, again, I misunderestimated the level of busibodiness/know-it-allity of Metro riders.
A really fat guy who was sitting with his cane right next to the front door turned and spoke, into the silence of the bus, in a belligerent tone, "How the hell are people supposed to get past you now?" Another point for the couple. (0)
It was at this point that I chimed in. What I said will wait until the end to see what it was.
The woman wandered from the back of the bus and sat by her man. Silence had fallen once again. The guy, though, couldn't let it go. He looked at the fat man across the aisle from him, sitting about 3 feet from the exit of the bus, and inquired, "Is ze stroller in your way?" and the man looked startled and said, "What?"... he was probably thrown off by the French accent.
I am not a fan of French people, as a general rule. It's odd because I have a French last name and I have recently become a bit fascinated by the French Revolution, but even French women sound bitchy and snobby. Just not a fan. Deduct one from the couple. (-1)
The Frenchie continued, "Can you not exit ze bus? You clearly can, zo why iz it a problem to you?"
The fat guy answered resignedly, "I am not going to argue. I'm too old for this shit."
And the French coup de grâce was, "You are too old, yes."
Score one for the couple. (0)
So what had I said? I guess maybe I should have just put it in the body of the story and saved us all the trouble of the Mad Magazine-like paper folding, but after the man and his baby were lectured by the second Metro regular (because they clearly were exactly that), I said something like this:
"Oh come, on. There are over two feet of room for someone to get by. That's (a). And (b), there's no one who needs to leave at this moment. I'm sure he can scoot the stroller over even more if it's necessary. Leave it alone."
Maybe it was the mustache that shut the guy up. Maybe it was the shocking reality that someone had SPOKEN to him on the bus. Or maybe it was because my points were excellent and my diction impeccable. In any case, he shut up until the Frenchman (or Belgian, or Korean, or whatever he was) took a shot.
Happy Christmas, Frenchies.
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