Thank-you notes

I'm not a negative person, I don't think. I try not to dwell on bad things, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt, and I really try to responsible and thankful for things.

But yesterday, when I was cleaning out my mailbox (I don't get much actual mail, but my mailbox is about 13 cubic inches, so I need to clean it out every day or else the crap I do get jams it all up), I pulled out a thank-you card.

It was a card from my cousin, to whom I'd given like $20 for her high school graduation last month. It was very sweet and responsible for her to do.

But my reaction? Unhappiness. Why, you might ask youself (as, indeed, I asked myself), would I have a negative reaction? After all, I like my cousin, and I am delighted to hear from her. I should have some pride that she's fulfilling the responsibility of sending out thank-you notes to people that gave her gifts.

I think that my unhappiness comes from my egocentricism... I didn't think right off the bat of how the card reflected on my cousin, but instead how it reflected on me. To wit, I had at least two branches of angst (light angst, clearly, but angst nevertheless):

1. Was $20 enough? Was I being cheap? Did her other cousins give her $40, and she just shook her head at the $20 in my card to her?, and

2. Why couldn't I have been able to send out thank-you notes? I was (and am) pretty lousy about that sort of thing, and getting one from her reminded me of all the people that might have expected thank-you notes from me but never received them.

Oh, well. Somehow I managed to get over the shock and tremendous stress induced by the thank-you note... I didn't even cry myself to sleep over it last night (I'd already scheduled that night for an entirely different matter).

I wonder if I should send a thank-you card for her thank-you card?