In the social media world, I really don't care for Twitter, I only sporadically use Snapchat and Instagram, and (unfortunately) don't write as many blog posts as I used to. Facebook is "good enough" for me--I can post and review pics (like Instagram), stories (like Snapchat and Instagram, albeit with a much smaller audience since fewer Facebook folks use that aspect) and news/posts/whatever written word pops up (like a blog).
The thing is, as much as I'm on it, I can be rather finicky with regards to who I want to be Facebook friends with. I currently have 224 Facebook friends, and I try to keep it between 200 and 240. Because I go out a fair bit and meet many people, if I want to keep the number in that range, it means cutting people.
Why do I want to keep the number relatively low? I want to care about everyone I'm friends with... and if I don't care about them as people, I at least want to care about what they're posting. I also don't want to give things away for no reason. Much of my stuff on Facebook is absolutely worthless to anyone other than me, but I'd like to think that I'm generally pretty funny and I post some embarrassing things about myself... so I want to keep the circle tight in order to feel comfortable.
I've been asked (by other people, not just my inner voices) about the reasons for me unfriending someone and I have had a few parameters. This blog entry is an effort to (only slightly tongue-in-cheek) examine the factors that go into a decision. In spite of the specificity (I use numbers and everything!) I don't use this much logic, and sometimes it just comes down to my mood or my booze consumption.
With that being said, here is my Facebook Friend Score Sheet:
Family
If you are my parent: +1000 (points)
If you are my sibling: +500
If you are my grandparent: +500
If you are a first cousin, aunt, or uncle: +250
If you are a more distant relation that I've met in person: +150
Note: Basically, you get big points by being related to me.
Living Status
If you died while you are my Facebook friend: +500
If you died while you are my Facebook friend while being a total asshole: -475
Note: I've had two relatives die while they were my Facebook friends and it's painful. I don't think I could intentionally remove anyone "in good standing" at the time of their demise. Since I plan on living to be 253 years old, I suppose this means my friends list will eventually grow. Also, the "total asshole" penalty here has not been invoked yet.
Hotness Status
If you are an attractive female human: +50
Past Relationships
If you have lived with me and we've had sex: -350
Note: I've only had a pair of these, and our Facebook relationships went sideways faster than our real relationships for some reason.
Length of Relationship
If we have known one another for more than ten years: +100
If we have been Facebook friends for more than five years: +75
If we have been Facebook friends for less than six months: +25
If we have been Facebook friends for less than three months: +25
Note: Nostalgia and newness are both things that get you extra points.
IRL
If we see one another once a month or more: +25
If we see one another once a week or more: +25
If we don't at least say "hi" when we see one another half the time: -50
If we don't talk when we see one another at least half the time: -25
If we currently work together: -100
If I doubt I'll ever see you IRL again: -50
If I don't remember meeting you IRL: -25
If I don't remember meeting you IRL but you're a cute female: +50
Notes:
- Real life contact matters.
- I prefer to generally keep "Work Ed O" and "Non-Work Ed O" separate.
- I get that some people are more comfortable virtually or in real life, but it's irritating when someone who is friendly online ignores me IRL.
Friendship Genesis (Current Facebook Friendship)
If you Friend-requested me: +25
If I Friend-requested you after you called me out for unfriending you: +10
Note: I am occasionally Unfriend-shamed by someone and if I invite them to re-friend me, then I feel bad and they get a score bump.
Quality of Posting
If you post funny stuff: +10
If you post interesting stuff: +10
If you post sexy stuff (of yourself and/or your female friends): +25
If you invite me to events: +10
If you invite me to events at Monkey Loft: -20
If you post one-sided political stuff: -10
Note: I like Monkey Loft, but getting invitations to events I can't attend there gets a bit old.
Frequency of Posting
If you post on your wall frequently: +25% points from Quality of Posting
If you post on your wall REALLY frequently: -50% points from Quality of Posting
If you post on my wall: +10
If you post really weird stuff on my wall that makes me wonder what's wrong with you: -15
Responding to My Posts
If you Like and/or Comment on more than a quarter of my posts: +25
If you Like and/or Comment on more than three-quarters of my posts and aren't my mom: -10
Note: My mom is the the only one who doesn't get dinged for being TOO into me on Facebook. Although I've definitely enjoyed when some FB friends have been in the past...
Chatting
If we chat every day: +50
If we chat every week: +25
If you initiate chats: +25
If you do not respond to my chats: -25
Note: Facebook chat is a distinct but important part of my Facebook existence.
And that, gentle readers, is my unscientific and not 100% accurate, in spite of its specificity, Facebook Friend Score Sheet!
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