Awkward questions

Last night was a good night. Going out for a birthday party thing with a big group of people, only a few of whom I knew. Had some drinks, saw an improv show, had some more drinks, played Apples to Apples, and had a late-night bbq.

Good times.

Of course, with every sunny day there's always an uncomfortable moment where your eyes need to adjust. At least that's what I hear (I tend to be inside (working or asleep)) on sunny days.

Last night there were just a few bumps in the road of bliss. They weren't horrible moments, but sometimes I am asked questions that I just don't know exactly how to answer. Let's examine some of them.

The question: "Do you have any animals?"
The difficulty: First of all, the question implies that I asked her the question first. Setting oneself up for a difficult question makes that question more painful to answer, for some reason. Secondly, I have three cats. Three. Cats. How can I possibly tell an attractive, single woman that I have three cats? It opens up a huge can of worms that just isn't that fun to go into.
The given answer: "Yeah. I love cats."
The post-mort: I basically misdirected. I didn't want to be dishonest, of course, and I didn't want to not answer her question. I also wasn't too keen on explaining why I have three cats. Three. Cats.

The question: "Do you ever sit around and think about how awesome you are?"
The difficulty: I can take a joke... more easily than I can take a compliment, actually. When the joke might contain a NUGGET of a compliment--or might be a massive compliment with a veneer of a joke--I have difficulty being my normal (relatively) eloquent self.
The given answer: "Um. What? No. I mean, yeah. What?"
The post-mort: I think I actually blushed when I was giving this answer, even though with the rum-and-diet induced redness, it might have been impossible to tell.

The question: "I don't know if you all are aware of this, but you woke me up from a block away."
The difficulty: Well, it's not a question. That's the first difficulty. Beyond that, is it fair for us to be out raising a ruckus, barbequing at 11:30 PM on a Sunday night? I don't know. Is it fair for someone at 11:30 PM Sunday night to walk a block to tell us to pipe down? In Lower Queen Anne? I don't know. But she might want to move out of the city... I have firetrucks outside my apartment trying to resuscitate old people at all hours. Maybe I should have her talk to the fire people for me... or to the old people.
The given answer: (Delivered by the birthday boy) "Do you want a sausage?"
The post-mort: Anything delivered in an Austrailian accent is awesome in my book. I don't know if the recently awoken LQA denizen was amused, but she should have been. It was better than the alternate responses that were bandied about afterwards ("Shut up before I kill you, ugly old lady" and "Call the cops. Do it." were a couple of the more unruly ones.)

The question: "Do you like asians?"
The difficulty: I've blogged about lots of things in my 250+ blog entries. Chili cheese burritos. Stalin. My cats. With the exception of karaoke, asian girls seem to be a pretty consistent topic in this space. The "Do you like asians?" question in real life, though, can be a little awkward when an attractive asian woman is sitting right there. It required a multi-part answer.
The given answer, part I: "You mean asian girls?"
The given answer, part II: "Well, if I say 'yes' I sound like I have yellow fever, and if I say 'no' I sound racist."
The given answer, part III: "I like hot asians, sure."
The post-mort: This is what I like to call (as of right now, when I pulled it out of my butt typing this out) the "sandwich technique". Start with a joke, give a non-answer with qualifications, and then give a humorour real answer. Part I set the stage by making the listeners (including both the question-asker and the attractive girl) laugh out loud (OK... smile... close enough). Part II lays out the dilemma that I'm facing, while demonstrating that I am sensitive to the plight of minority females in this country. Part III is honest, and a bit funny, but if it were given as the entire answer would have painted me as a horny dirtbag (and I'm very rarely a dirtbag).

In spite of these social landmines, I think I was able to make it through the evening relatively unscathed.